Clear out the Pain, Reconnect with Yourself: Post-Natal Care Helps Fathers

Reconnection 2008

My first child taught me how big love can be, and my children still serve as the role-models for how to love myself.

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Ten percent of new fathers experience depression and/or anxiety.

The first few months of being a new father - aka the fourth trimester - is an excellent time for the father to receive care.

When's the last time you said that to yourself? "I need to receive care."

Lots of benefits of acupuncture and moxa await you, in regulating the nervous system, helping to restore digestion and move stubborn bowels, relieve physical pain or injuries, and to experience a what well-being feels like on a physical and mental level.

But there is another, more powerful component I build in to the acupuncture experience for you - and that is reconnecting with your body.

In settings that bring you into your body - even just a little bit - it becomes possible for you to experience your body as more open than usual, and to then heal more deeply than usual. Therapies that allow this type of connection normalize healing beyond our physical self. Which is why you will often feel inspired, and galvanized afterwards. Because when you start actively searching for physical and mental tension, and then practice letting go of that tension, you will experience an unlocking of energy and strength that will make you want to practice this reconnecting with yourself on a regular basis.

Acupuncture is quick and powerful at allowing this search, discovery, and release. The needles are like a guide with a light, showing you what your consciousness is ready to deal with at the moment. Which is why you have to be open to the experience, and basically asking yourself when you go in "show me what I need to be aware of, what I need to clear out." Something along those lines - it's unique to every person.

And btw, it's the process that's important - you can use any body-centered therapy. Acupuncture just happens to be the one I use. Also, you can do this alone (and should), but once in a while you need someone to create an environment where that clearing and healing can take place. It's best for you if this person is a grounded presence who is fully there with you (and that's most acupuncturists imo).

But, I'm getting way ahead of the curriculum for this article...return to Earth, Kim!

What we experience as new fathers is a struggle for every one of us. And sometimes, we experience suffering or even trauma.

When everything in the birth process has gone well, new fatherhood still feels overwhelming. It's a metabolic roller coaster to be a new father. We give all we can (well, some of us anyway) and the demands just never stop. Relentless. Btw, where are all those calories coming from? Are you eating enough calories for your weight and age? If not, you're literally breaking down your own lean muscle to fuel yourself through the process. Parenting is exhausting and you're not allowed to stop.

Your brain is also changing anatomically, and multiple body systems are coordinating to transform you into a father (something you have never been!). If you feel different at your core, it's because you are.

And the social changes can range from worrying to crushing - new fathers are subject to judgement, and too often to isolation. I for one lost touch with many friends because I had energy only to take care of my child, sleep, and go to work. And on the other hand, when we had visitors I often felt like I had no choice in who I was around during my private, exhausted moments, or for how long. This is probably the reason many couples choose to be alone for several weeks or months at first.

At one point I slammed the door in my mother in law's face... I did not have the self-awareness to self-regulate. To discern that I was experiencing intense pressure and hormonal changes under severe sleep deprivation. I just hadn't stopped to think about it, or acknowledge it. It would have been helpful for me to have a time to connect to my body and to be heard and allowed to be irritable/angry and desperate. Once or twice a week would have been enough I think.... but without that self-awareness, I exploded in small ways like that many times for years. And those outbursts contributed greatly to my own unhappiness.

Plus, sometimes as new dads we deal with aches and pains that we neglected from before, or that we get currently from our jobs, or because we slept in the chair of the birthing room. Or, if you're used to working out regularly, you'e starting to decondition and that can cause pain that feels as severe as overtraining.

And some of us suffer loss. If all does not go well, and you experience either the threat of loss, or actual loss (both forms of Trauma), the need for healing is even more real. In this case, the most complete way to reconnect with yourself and fully move on, is to begin by safely exploring the sensations in your body. This will allow you to then come into fuller awareness of your feelings, if you're open to it. You can then start to process those feelings. (I'm intentionally repeating this for those who are new to the concept.) This can be done through any body-centered therapy...acupuncture brings an immediate and BIG feeling of somatic awareness ...but any method that helps you bring your awareness into your body will work - massage, breathwork, movement, dance, meditation, journaling, and counseling/therapy that uses somatic awareness or experiencing.

Remember, you have to be open to the connection - you have to be asking yourself for it.

Good luck to you.

Congratulations :)

Book your appointment for acu here

Check out kimsoohealing.com, where I use body-centered methods like breathwork and movement (instead of acu) to help you reconnect with yourself and heal wounds