Integrity and Generosity

Thanks for reading this post, I hope it helps you in your work, relationships, and in your relationship with yourself. Integrity and generosity have made all the difference for me.

I'll add to this article over time.

Integrity - my definition and concept are of a structure that is agreed upon. Like a home that has a foundation, beams and braces, walls and a roof, the foundation of any relationship should be planned out and agreed to before the work begins. The concept of consent is also built into the integrity of a relationship. Consent can be changed or revoked at any point. Also the structure can be changed or revoked, but that has to be an agreement.

Integrity is what give us boundaries, manages expectations, allows us to deliver on our offers or promises, and builds in accountability. It is what gives your word its value, and our relationship its juice.

Generosity - my definition and concept of generosity are taken directly from Buddhism. It helps me to think of generosity in terms of emotional/mental, physical, also verbal, action, and agreement or intrigrity. I will give you examples gradually over time.

Generosity in emotional and mental terms - might look like, for example... sometimes someone will come asking for help with their body. I f I think that the best thing for them is for that work to happen at a regular interval - say once a week - I will ask the person "Can you come once a week for X number of weeks?" Often the person will say yes, only to not follow through. They may cancel a scheduled appointment, delay scheduling, or sipmly ghost. Because I am invested in this person's progress as a personal success, I almost always feel disappointed, and sometimes angry for this reason or that...

Generosity in this case looks like choosing to trust/believe that they are doing what is best for them. Perhaps they know that they will be better off if they wait to work with me, for whatever reason (not important), or perhaps they need to wait for financial reasons, or perhaps they were not comfortable with me or did not trust me - these qualities in a relationship take time for some people. If I am being generous, I both forgive the person for cancelling (which is really not saying they have done something transgressive that I forgive them for, it's more my letting go), and offering to them the generosity of trusting their choice, their wisdom, and letting them guide me rather than the other way around.

An example of your practicing generosity with me would be giving me the benefit of the doubt that I am recommending a course of X number of sessions because I believe it is what you need, rather than for my monetary gain. In our country, and especially in the practice of medicine, we believe that treatment and healing are exorbitant, we see providers as business owners rather than healers, and we often feel we have to see beneath the surface to discern someone's true motives, which cannot possibly be oriented towards us or at least not so....generous...as they seem. We often feel defensive and cynical, because we are afraid of being taken advantage of, or we at least feel the promise of progress must certainly be too good to be true (that's another way of saying we're being lied to).

I don't expect everyone who comes through my door to be so generous, but I do seek to develop long term relationships with those who are willing to practice generosity with me.

In case you feel I am being too self-centered, to hope for a practice full of people with reciprocal values and practices, I ask that you please be generous with me in this. I do after all deserve fulfillment and happiness in my work, and I hope the same for everyone.

More to come....